Why Nobody Says What They Really Mean at Work

Episode transcript

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Show Opening

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You're listening to How Work Really Works with Steve. Practical advice to help you communicate better, lead with confidence, and advance your career.

What We Say and What We Mean

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There is a strange language spoken in workplaces. It uses familiar English words, but they do not always mean what they appear to mean. Let's circle back rarely means we are definitely coming back to this. Let's take it offline often means I would like this conversation to stop immediately. And that's an interesting idea. Can mean almost anything from I need time to think to absolutely not, but I'm trying to remain employable. We have become remarkably skilled at talking without saying very much. Someone presents a proposal that is missing half the information needed to make a decision. The manager says, there are a few opportunities to strengthen this. An employee asks whether they are ready for promotion. The manager says, let's keep the conversation going. A project is plainly going to miss its deadline. The status report says, the timeline remains challenging. Challenging. A useful word. It can describe a crossword puzzle, climbing a mountain, or a project that is three weeks from disaster, while everyone continues colouring the status box amber. The problem is not that people are polite. Politeness is good. The problem is that we regularly confuse politeness with ambiguity. We soften a message until the meaning disappears, then act surprised when the other person fails to understand it. I think clarity is usually kinder than ambiguity. If someone's work is not meeting expectations, they deserve to know. If a proposal has been rejected, the person who wrote it deserves a clear answer. If a deadline has changed, the team needs a date rather than a collection of optimistic adjectives. That does not mean becoming blunt, aggressive, or one of those people who says, I am just being honest, immediately before saying something no reasonable person asks to hear. Honesty is not permission to be rude. Direct communication still requires judgment, respect, and timing. But it does require us to say what we mean. So in this episode we are going to look at why people avoid direct language, translate some of the worst phrases in corporate life, and work through a practical way to communicate clearly without becoming the person everybody avoids in the kitchen. I'm Steve, and this is how work really works. Most

Why Workplaces Produce Vague Language

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vague workplace language begins with a reasonable instinct. People want to avoid embarrassment, conflict, or unnecessary offense. That instinct becomes a problem when protecting the conversation matters more than solving the issue. A manager knows that an employee is struggling but does not want the discussion to feel uncomfortable. So instead of saying, you have missed three deadlines and we need to understand why, the manager says, I would like to see a little more consistency going forward. The manager leaves relieved because the conversation remained pleasant. The employee leaves wondering whether anything serious was discussed. Three months later the manager is frustrated that performance has not improved, and the employee is shocked to discover that the concern was significant. Everyone loses, but at least the original meeting was comfortable. We also use vague language to protect ourselves. If I say, this project will be completed by Friday, you can hold me to Friday. If I say, we are working towards completion by the end of the week, I've created a small emergency exit inside the sentence. The more uncertain the speaker feels, the more words often appear. That is why I do not know yet, because we are continuing to evaluate several options and will provide additional clarity as the situation develops. Sometimes the entire sentence exists to disguise the perfectly respectable fact that nobody knows. Power makes this worse. Junior employees often learn to decode senior leaders rather than question them. A leader says it might be useful to revisit the presentation. And everyone is expected to understand whether that means change one slide, rewrite the entire thing, or quietly place it in a drawer and never speak of it again. The burden of interpretation falls on the person with less authority. They must guess what the leader meant, how strongly they meant it, and whether asking for clarity will make them look difficult. Good leaders remove that burden, they do not make people solve a riddle before they can do their jobs. Then there is corporate jargon, which deserves its own small intervention. We need more alignment usually means people disagree, but nobody has said exactly where. Let's socialize this means we need to show the idea to several more people before anyone is willing to own the decision. Let's park that can mean the issue is important, but belongs in another meeting. It can also mean this idea is about to enter long-term airport parking. Going forward means from now on, although it is frequently placed at the beginning of a sentence to make an ordinary instruction sound like a strategic announcement, I hear you is particularly dangerous. Sometimes it means genuine understanding. Sometimes it means I acknowledge that sound came out of your mouth, and would now like to continue exactly as planned. And then we have per my last email, the office equivalent of placing a teacup down slightly harder than necessary. None of these phrases is automatically wrong, context matters. The problem comes when familiar language allows us to avoid the actual message. If people leave a meeting with different understandings of the decision, the communication failed. It does not matter how professional everyone sounded while failing. So how do

How to Be Direct Without Being Rude

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you communicate directly without becoming unbearable? Start with the outcome you need from the conversation. Are you giving information, asking for a decision, correcting behavior, raising a concern, requesting help? If you do not know what you need, the other person has very little chance of working it out for you. Then use four simple parts what you observed, why it matters, what needs to happen, and an invitation for the other person to respond. Suppose a colleague repeatedly sends information late. The vague version sounds like this. It would be helpful if we could improve the timing of some of the inputs going forward. It sounds polite. It also sounds as though it was written by a committee hiding from legal discovery. The clearer version is the last three reports arrived after the agreed deadline. That delayed the team review. I need the next report by noon on Thursday. Is anything preventing you from meeting that date? The message is direct, but it is not hostile. It names the facts, it explains the impact, states the expectation, and allows the other person to provide information you may not have. The invitation to respond matters. Direct communication should create understanding, not simply deliver a verdict. You may discover that the person has conflicting priorities, missing information, or a process problem. You may also discover that they simply did not treat the deadline seriously. Either way, you now have something real to manage. The same approach works when you disagree with an idea. Instead of saying, that's interesting, but perhaps we should explore a few other options. Try I do not support this proposal yet, because the cost is clear, but the expected benefit is not. Please add the projected savings and the assumptions behind them, then we can review it again on Friday. Now the person knows whether the answer is no, no for now, or yes if specific questions are answered. That distinction matters. Too many people spend weeks improving proposals that were never going to be approved, because nobody had the courage to say no. Clear communication also means separating discussion from decision. A meeting can contain a lively conversation, several good ideas and twelve people nodding thoughtfully, yet still produce no decision at all. Before the meeting ends, somebody should say, Here is what we decided. Here is what remains open. Sarah owns the next action, and it is due Tuesday. If nobody can summarize the decision, you probably did not make one. Managers have an additional responsibility because their words carry more weight than they may realize. A casual suggestion from a senior leader can become a 40-hour project by lunchtime. Someone says, Have we ever thought about producing a weekly dashboard? By the following morning, three analysts are debating fonts, and nobody has asked what decision the dashboard is meant to support. If you are the manager, label your message. Say whether you are offering an idea, asking someone to investigate, or giving a direction. Try. This is only a thought, do not begin work yet, or please spend two hours assessing whether this is practical, then bring me your recommendation. Or we have decided to proceed. I need a delivery plan by Friday. Those sentences prevent enormous amounts of accidental work. Employees can also ask for clarity without sounding confrontational. When someone says, let's revisit this later, ask, should I treat that as no for now? Or would you like me to bring it back on a specific date? When a manager asks for something to be more strategic, ask, what decision should this help you make? When priorities conflict, say, I can complete the customer analysis or the budget update by Friday, but not both to a good standard. Which takes priority. That is not refusing work. It is making the trade-off visible. One morning, directness loses its value when it becomes a performance. Some people take pride in being brutally honest. I have always wondered why the brutality receives top billing. Useful honesty is specific and relevant. It addresses the work or behavior that needs to change. It does not attack someone's intelligence, personality, or motives. Say, you interrupted the client three times during the meeting, and it prevented us from hearing their concerns. Do not say you always need to be the smartest person in the room. The first statement gives someone something they can change. The second invites an argument about their character. Clear does not mean cold. You can be warm, respectful, and human while still delivering an unmistakable message.

Put It to Work

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It is time to put this to work. This week, find one conversational message where you are tempted to use vague language. It might be feedback you have delayed, a decision you have not clearly communicated, or an email containing the phrase just circling back for the third time. Before you send it or start the conversation, answer four questions. What happened? Why does it matter? What do I need now? What does the other person need an opportunity to explain or ask? Then build the message from those answers. For example, we agreed that the proposal would be ready Monday, and I have not received it. The delay means the leadership review must move. Please send me the current draft by three o'clock today. If something is blocking you, tell me now so we can address it. No jargon, no hidden meaning, no need for the recipient to consult three colleagues and a workplace translator. If you are on the receiving end of vague language, ask one clarifying question. Try what would you like me to do next? Or has a decision been made? Or what does good look like here specifically? You do not need to challenge every piece of corporate language you hear. That would make meetings even longer, which feels unnecessarily cruel. But when the meaning affects someone's work, performance, or career, clarity is worth the momentary discomfort. People can handle bad news, disagreement, and correction far better than many managers assume. What they struggle with is uncertainty that continues for weeks because nobody will say what is actually happening. Say what you mean. Say it respectfully. Say it early enough for the other person to do something useful with it. And if you tell someone you will circle back, do try to reappear at some point. I'm Steve, and this has been How Work Really Works. Thanks for listening. If you found this useful, follow the show and share it with someone who has recently been asked to create more alignment going forward.